Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.