He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.