walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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