I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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