Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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