just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
