I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i now understand why vodka
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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