Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
