a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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