I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
