$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
