so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
