That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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