I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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