My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
