what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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