I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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