I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize