The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
