I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
