is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
