Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
