im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
