i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
