uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just threw up on my dentist
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
