You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
