I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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