Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
