just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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