I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
smell my finger.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
