More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am one with the molecules
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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