Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
