she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
