Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
