Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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