rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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