dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You literally chaperoned my booty call.