sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.