The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.