Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM