Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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