I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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