Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
