My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
