Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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