Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
