dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
