It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
