3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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