Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
