I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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