why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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