Will you blow on my dice?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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