First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
