Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
