everyone is single if you try hard enough
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
