so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
