thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
