I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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