he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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