i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
