Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
