I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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