I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
