Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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