also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
