i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
