Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
