guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
