I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
