i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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